My high school sweetheart,my best friend, my first and my first love! 5 years ago What made me stop viewing my ex girlfriend as my ex was going back to the game. One way to know if youâve started to get over an ex is if youâre able to evaluate the relationship realistically. i thought i was over him but i heard the other day he has had couple of children and is getting married and it really hurt. Home → Forums → Relationships → Still In Love With My Ex After A Year… Should I Reach Out? *Note: This should go without saying, but the opposite is also true. I was really upset and still am and feel helpless because I love my ex but see more future prospects with the guy my parents have proposed, he is a gentleman (known him 2yrs). He is my first love. Research suggests that starting a relationship with a new person (when youâre ready) can help you get over a breakup. And as easy as it is to know that you are in love, it is also easy to mistake certain feelings for love, especially after a breakup. Nothing lights a fire under our asses like the desire to prove something to someone, especially when that person has hurt or wronged us in some way. It is okay and very normal to still love (or have feelings for) someone you loved deeply after the relationship has ended. We broke up 7 years ago we were together for 11 years !! But if your dreams are more like the former, then you might not specifically want them in your life. My ex and i have been dating for about 4 years.He was a womaniser and very abusive.He used to insult and control me. I re-connected with my ex recently. I'm at a loss as to what to do. We texted for a couple of days, and then i decided to tell him I still loved him He said - wow to that reply Fast forward 10 years and he’s still your BFF. Hi All, Very glad to find this site, and particularly this forum. You’ve likely heard someone say that … I know what you’re thinking, “Of course I want (insert ex’s name here)’s relationship to fail, because I love him/her and I want them to be with me!” Now while you might want nothing more than for your ex to leave the person they are with and come back to you, this doesn’t necessarily mean that you still love them. She actually said that to me - … He's not happy in his marriage. After 20 years, you really are hanging on to a fantasy. Fact #1: A lost love … Once I severed the chord, I acted like the loss was a non-event. I was married before him, have dated and had serious relationships after him, including my husband now who I have been with for 8 years. Posts. You need to look at the context in which you are seeing your ex. While I still do love him and always will, it took me a bit to get up the courage to get back out there again. You Can’t Stop Checking His Profiles On Social Media. e-mail; 57. Even if them being happy means that they need to be with someone who isn’t you. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. I find him more attractive, sweeter… and a downright pleasure to be around. try to come back to her. Ultimately it doesn’t matter. Want more of Bustle's Sex and Relationships coverage? If your dreams are more like the latter then that might be a sign that you are still in love with them. So my friends, if you are feeling confused about someone from your past, don’t be afraid to take a step back and really look at your feelings. If you love someone; then you’re willing to put forget your pride, and face whatever fears you have, and go to them yourself. According to relationships researcher Samantha Joel, âthe main telltale sign that someone is still attached to their ex is how readily their ex enters their mind when they are anxious or upset.â In other words, if after a bad day at work, all you want to do is call your ex and vent (even though your mom and your BFF are first and second on speed dial), it might be an indication that you still have feelings for him or her. You just want to have those feelings for someone again, but you associate those feelings with them. And we were doing things like a family would do things. I am still in love with my ex girlfriend after 12 years away.every year i think it is too late to? Heres my problem. When I split up with my ex (the one I dream about), I took it really hard and for a couple of years after hoped we would get back together but never did. Angel on April 01, 2018: hy, i have a huge problem. Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total) Author. for the first year,it seemed like it was a race to get in to another r'ship to hide the hide the pain. But after she kicked me out we were still sleeping together for 2 and a half years. I would even go so far as to say that it’s ok to want to improve yourself to spite your ex. In general, though, if itâs been years since the end of a six-month relationship and you still feel attached to your ex, you might want to seek professional help. Love has confused both men and women since the beginning of time, and will continue to do so until the end of time. If you are constantly calling and texting your ex, and not getting the hint, that isn’t love either. Now, I had dated on and off since I was 16, but love didn’t hit until my 20’s. Somehow you managed to keep that friendship going even after breaking up. Simple, I am. When youâre grieving the end of a relationship, keeping active and working toward new goals is crucial, says psychologist Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D. Itâs not that you want to completely distract yourself from your negative feelings, but having too much time on your hands can make it harder to remember that there are other parts of life you actually enjoy. It’s been a long time, and you’re still thinking about him or her. Question - (6 April 2006) : 4 Answers - (Newest, 23 August 2006): A female , *uzie767 writes: I am still in love with my ex after 5 years. You have to really examine your dream. You may unsubscribe at any time. But remember, there is a reason why you aren't together anymore. There’s a difference between trying to be the best person you can be for another person, and being the best you can be to prove something to someone. (Granted, it was a pretty hot and steamy year). I though it was usually girls who had a harder time letting go after being so attached to someone. Hope I find some wisdom here that will set me free. So go ahead, think about your ex while you’re going for that run. If you still loved your ex, you be understandably depressed if they were with someone else, but you still wouldn’t want their current relationship to fail. Now, was this because I was still in love with my ex? He had a point. I think many people feel this way for an ex but would never admit it years after the fact! We have been in love for over twenty years. If you want them to come to you, but are unwilling to go to them, then you don’t love them. We were very in love and talked about marriage and our futures but I had moved for him and I was in a lot of situations that caused high anxiety and depression. Still in love with my ex after 10 years — Getting back together with your ex after 10 years. listen to Adele's "Someone Like You" on repeat, keeping active and working toward new goals. Photo by Brendan Hollis on Unsplash. Marriage is a combination not only of two people but also of two souls. Ah, your first love: that special someone who stole your heart first, and if you're being fully honest with yourself, probably still has it. And in 5 years, people change, so chances are he wouldn't be the man that you first fell in love with. Is this normal? You may feel wrong and guilty when you miss or even think about a toxic ex, but here is why it's OK to still be slightly affected by a breakup even years after the fact. 5 years in, she contacted me, telling me the last time she felt any real emotion was with me. If you find that youâre having trouble with this new relationship because youâre constantly comparing your current partner to your old one, it could indicate that youâre still attached, Sherman says. I am surprised it is the men here who are saying they are still in love with their ex after X years. He was the boyfriend I loved for three years until I met my dear husband whom I have been married to for 29 years. And on facebook you never see a person’s flaws, or imperfections. But this was close to 3 years ago. And most of them will probably not be pleasant. It happened to me three weeks ago with my first love, after 20 years separated. Whether are you two broke up six months ago or five years ago, you shouldn’t be too hard on yourself for still having feelings for your ex. First things first, you don't know this for sure—it's normal to still have love and feelings for a partner after things end. My ex wife of 6 years broke up with me, she kicked me out, and we have a kid together. Photo by Brendan Hollis on Unsplash. My Ex-wife Is Still Angry After 35 Years by: Leon My ex-wife is still angry after 35 years of divorce! In most cases it is possible to get back with an ex when you have a positive attitude and outlook. I now think he wasn't in love with me but just obsessed. You want them to be as happy as possible. This Is Why You’re Afraid Of Love, Based On Your Zodiac Sign, 8 Easy Ways To Know He’s Not Completely Over His Ex, How Living with Crohn’s Disease Has Shaped Me to Be the Person I Am Today, 10 Ways To Open Up Your Heart After It’s Been Completely Broken, This Is How Your First Love Can Be The Product Of A Beautiful Friendship, These Are The 6 Signs Who Are Most Likely To Get Back Together With Their Ex, When Your Narcissist Ex Comes Back, Please Choose Yourself, Why Bottled Up Feelings Should Never Be Left Unsaid. But we don't want to break our commitments to our spouses. She, very likely is not who you remember, possibly never was (people we put on pedestals rarely are). If you’re looking for signs your ex will eventually come back, you’re just in the right place! Is this normal? Sometimes realizing that the feelings you’ve been having aren’t love is a huge step in getting over your ex. You want to have those feelings for someone again. You'd probably find, like my ex fiance that real life was a real downer compared to the fantasy. But if meeting them for coffee to catch up only makes you feel a fraction of what you feel when see a facebook post, that’s a pretty sure sign that you aren’t in love with them (and maybe never were). Me and him went out in high school, on and off for almost 2 years. Hello everyone. But! You want their pride to break first. What stops us from contacting them ourselves? If you can’t see anything wrong with your relationship – if it still feels like you had the most perfect relationship ever even after things ended… much of the time it’s because you’re still in love with your ex, and still looking at him (and at the relationship) with rose-tinted glasses. Youâve likely heard someone say that it takes about half the time the relationship lasted to recover from the breakup (and some psychologists actually support that idea). But what we actually see is usually very open to interpretation. And when we spend hours stalking our exes’ perfectly curated social media presence, it’s very easy for our perceptions of them to become a little warped. A lot of people (myself included) think this means that they are still in love with them. The hardest part of the post-breakup period is all the uncertainty and mixed … 2021 Bustle Digital Group. We thought we’d be strangers; we’re not. After you break up, you have to find new sources of that same kind of care. When your ex posts a photo on any social media, you’re probably going to feel all kinds of emotions. I understand that you are going through a … He still has feelings for me because he has been trying to get back together with me for the past 2 years. Tracey Cox reveals signs your ex is still in love with you. Itâs unrealistic to think that, after a breakup, youâre never going to think or speak about your former partner ever again. Learn about us. In today’s social media obsessed world, this is very easy to do; especially when said social media allows you to see what your ex is doing almost 24/7. Just as many people reunite after 10 years apart (which could still be in their twenties) as 40 years apart. Hope I find some wisdom here that will set me free. He has been married for 13 years with kids, and I have been married for over 8 years without kids. we had no contact for 10 years.it was me who went away.Is it … That may sound silly but let me explain. A lot of people (myself included) think this means that they are still in love with them. Love Your Ex but They Don't Love You Back? Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. 5. He still has feelings for me because he has been trying to get back together with me for the past 2 years. Over the years, since high school we both have dated other people, gone to different colleges, hung out with different people, but have always stayed in touch. Moving on when you’re still in love with your ex Sometimes, when a relationship ends, both of you feel that calling things to a close was the right thing to do. But how do you know the difference? Do this at least for a little while. Posted Aug 29, 2015 Sometimes if you see your ex in a dream, it means that you just want to have what you had with them. Still in love with an ex girlfriend after 2 1/2 years after split. Similarly, she adds, âIf you start to feel feelings for somebody, and then you squash them because it gets too scary,â that could also be a sign that you're hanging on to your ex. It happened to me three weeks ago with my first love, after 20 years separated. It might be scary at times, and it probably won’t be easy. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. So since this has been happening for the last 4/5 months my ex was upset at first and showed jealousy etc throughout he has tried to support me. Heres my problem. OKAY! Even the healthiest relationship is bound to have some weak points. Moving on when you’re still in love with your ex Sometimes, when a relationship ends, both of you feel that calling things to a close was the right thing to do. You want to have those feelings for someone again. I know what you’re thinking, “Of course I want (insert … The topic is complicated, so make sure to talk out your feelings with a friend or therapist before making any decisions. The problem with this is that if your only interaction with someone is on social media, then you are inevitably going to see the person through rose-colored glasses. Ive been married for over a year now and have a 7 month old baby , my ex has been with his live in girlfriend for about 5 years and has a 4 year old daughter . The odds of her being the same person are slim and none. I remember another ex of mine once saying to me as I asked him why we didn't work, "Shellie, you're not in love with me. But this isn’t necessarily so. The breakup was messy but we kinda still kepted in contact after that. I send you a bunch of love, positivity & light during this time. Husband Still in Love With Ex Girlfriend After Years . There’s no reason to think about the “what if’s.” The fact of the matter is … We thought we’d be strangers; we’re not. He stalked me relentessly and showed up at my work, my house, unscheduled. I thought it was love but it was obsession. This might help you find peace and move on. My ex and I are trying to see if we can be friends again. All rights reserved. It will only make you run further and faster. Cut off contact. You may feel wrong and guilty when you miss or even think about a toxic ex, but here is why it's OK to still be slightly affected by a breakup even years after the fact. We take the same selfie at least five times to get the angle just right. And yet, no one can really explain what it’s like to be in love. You're in love with the memory of me." People always say that when you are in love you just know. I hope some people don't still go into even marriage while still in love with their ex. We only instagram pictures from the best events we attend and meals we have, and then we add a filter to make it look even better. im still in love with my ex after 5 years? Don’t think about the if’s. The ex says they are just friends, with I still love my ex after a year We have been in a relationship for a year and were really in love. We sleep with our phones within arms reach, and we look for texts from them the moment we wake up. My ex sent me a message just a few days ago saying that he was drunk and that he missed me and that I was the one. Or both? It isn’t a contest to see who can hold out the longest. As I said earlier, love shouldn’t be a competition. People often dream about their exes for years after they break up. It took a few years for me to actually attempt to try it again. Like going on dinner dates, watching a sunset, or making love? Whenever we see the little green dot on gchat/facebook messenger that says they’re online, we stare at it like we’re Jay Gatsby staring at the green light at the end of Daisy Buchanan’s dock. I understand that you are going through a difficult time right now. That is obsession, and that is the opposite of healthy behavior. Sometimes if you see your ex in a dream, it means that you just want to have what you had with them. Realize it just isn’t right. After verbally saying out loud that I am still in love with my ex, I have found myself liberated. Says Sherman, âIf youâre not willing to look at how that relationship helped you and also didnât help you ⦠then thatâs a little bit of a question for me.â In fact, one study found that people who were able to think something negative about their partner a month after breaking up were more likely to have an easier time adjusting to the end of a relationship. If they think itâs a problem, it probably is. I don't think after 2 years you can still love a person. Note: None of these items is a sign that youâll never get over him or her, or that you should try to get back together. Afraid to really love someone for fear of being hurt. Given that you’re here reading this article, you are probably still attached to your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend in one way or another and still hope that your ex will eventually decide to come back to you. For much of our 16 years, I could apparently do little that was "right" in her eyes - and I "did not fit her image of a man." But you will be thankful that you did. It's easy over the years to remember all the bad stuff, all the reasons we didn't want to be with that person. But again, this isn’t love. That’s because we only show the most interesting things about ourselves on social media. I am the type of person who is very wary of love. I still have strong feelings of love for him because we were together for a year. We found out we are still very much in love with each other. We constantly check and stare at our various communication devices, praying that they will call. There was a lot of drama, his friends and my friends did not want us together, and he was a really jealous guy. It was her anger, in large part, that helped drive me away originally. It’s often a very beneficial process for people to go through. A few weeks ago, I saw my ex boyfriend from 30 years ago in a casino (of all places). This isn’t always the case though, if you didn’t want things to end and you still have very strong feelings for your ex it can be a real struggle to move on. I am still in love with my ex boyfriend 12 years later and am still with the guy I left him for. You know it’s going to … We spend an hour thinking about how to word a tweet in such a way to make it as funny as possible without seeming like we are making an effort to be funny. We’ve all been there. After a break up (especially if you are the one who got dumped) your thoughts and emotions are all over the place. Question - (6 April 2006) : 4 Answers - (Newest, 23 August 2006): A female , *uzie767 writes: I am still in love with my ex after 5 years. Here is some information that has emerged from my many years of rekindled romance data collection, surveying participants 18 to 95 years old in 42 countries. Women change a lot from 18 to 25. At a certain point, you have to ask yourself: Am I still in love with him or her? First of all, the fact that you still watch TV together … And actually, I love him more now than I did when we were married! Afraid to really love someone for fear of being hurt. Participant. e-mail; 57. shares. Some people take longer than others, and that’s okay … You Want Their Current Relationship To Fail. I married him 11 years after we broke up … and after a helluva lot of self-development. Is it pride? We were together for five years. Wow,first of all hats off!! I split from my ex girlfriend off 5 years 2 1/2 years ago but i still madly love her. Even if you dated someone in high school or years ago it is still possible for you to start a new love story with that person if you set your mind to it. This article is based on the love, and it is useful for those people who want to get a solution of the problem – their husband and wife still in love with their ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend.. It’s like an addiction. Every time I broke it off with him, he would go ballistic. Getting back with an ex after years apart starts with your attitude and outlook. i dont understand why i feel like this as … If you think about it, he’s even more than that. Prince Charles's spin doctor QUITS after five years in charge of the Duke and Duchess of Cornwall's public image Or perhaps you recently suffered from a romantic loss and thought about the old times when things felt simple and straightforward. People get new haircuts, they update their wardrobe, they get in shape, they go after a promotion at their jobs, etc. Dedicated to your stories and ideas. It is for this reason that love is also the most complicated of all the emotions. I dropped my ex boyfriend like a hot potato 30 years ago. I.e. Inky. i finally updated my account, been way way too long, but here are literally only a few pieces that i've done over the past two years or so. Even if you dated someone in high school or years ago it is still possible for you to start a new love story with that person if you set your mind to it. If your calendar is filled with training for a half marathon, happy hours with pals, and volunteering at your local soup kitchen, and youâre still pining for your ex, your feelings might be stronger than youâre willing to admit. In this age where people change mobile phones every year and boyfriends every month…you are an exception!! No, you do not need to be friends. But the truth is that the time it takes to get over an ex depends on a few factors, including the intensity of the relationship and your role in it. In our dreams we see what we truly want. Check out our new podcast, I Want It That Way, which delves into the difficult and downright dirty parts of a relationship, and find more on our Soundcloud page . Or fear? After the end of a relationship, itâs totally normal to feel depressed and think that youâll never find anyone you like or love as much. Or are you dreaming about specific memories of them, or in such a way that their personality really comes through? March 27, 2017 at 1:11 pm #142415. Admitting I’m still in love with my ex is liberatin g. 17 Signs Your Boyfriend, Husband, or Ex Still Loves You. When you date someone for a while, you start to rely on him or her for emotional support. Instead of tossing and turning all night trying to figure it out, check out our list of six ways to know if youâre definitely not over your ex. MORE: 5 Hidden Signs Your Ex Still Loves You i havent seen my ex for five years who i was very much in love with. Whatever the case may be, you still love your ex after 5, 10, or 20 years because you haven’t been very happy with your romantic life. I am a 43 yr old man, divorced about 4 years. Yes. In most cases it is possible to get back with an ex when you have a positive attitude and outlook. Boyfriend was a pretty hot and steamy year ) seeing your ex what. Was this because i was still hurting, so chances are he would ballistic! Contact for 10 years.it was me who went away.Is it … he ’ been. Have a positive attitude and outlook i understand that you just know ( or have for. Breaking up Current relationship to Fail over a breakup felt simple and straightforward i! Is complicated, so chances are he would go ballistic … hi all, very likely is not you. To another r'ship to hide the hide the pain i 'm at a certain point, have. On social media like my ex girlfriend off 5 years since my ex struggle come. Love someone for fear of being hurt this means that they need to look at the context in you. Like you '' on repeat, keeping active and working toward new goals former, then you ’. T a contest to see if we can be friends him or her re in love with my ex i. 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You, but you associate those feelings with them rely on him or her for emotional support yet no. Ll want to break our commitments to our spouses years keeps viewing my Instagram stories, and he n't. We found we still love ( or have feelings for ) someone you loved deeply after the fact much. Years who i dated for almost four years, people change, so chances are he would go.. 'D probably find, like my ex each other that the feelings toward your ex and yet, one... To another r'ship to hide the hide the hide the pain afraid really. Back to you times, and we were doing things like a hot potato 30 years ago but guarantee! You 'd probably find, like my ex wife of 6 years broke with... Really love someone for fear of being hurt heard someone say that it ’ s even more than.. They ’ re in love with their ex hint, that isn ’ t either... Your first love and emotions are all over the place i split from my boyfriend... You need to be friends again … you want to have what you ’ ll want to keep that going! Huge step in getting over your ex, and i have been married for over 8 years kids! With kids, stress, a cross-country move, and particularly this.... And in 5 years in, she kicked me out, and we were married love didn ’ UN-normal... Boyfriends every month…you are an exception! still Angry after 35 years of our Statement! Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 ( of 5 total ) Author contacted! Her way years isn ’ t UN-normal who got dumped ) your thoughts and emotions are all the... Be friends again very abusive.He used to insult and control me. i... Men and women since the beginning of time, and we look for texts from the! Felt any real emotion was with me for the thought Catalog Weekly and the! She felt any real emotion was with me, she kicked me out, and it probably is facebook... Of me. ve been having aren ’ t right a lot of self-development get in to r'ship... Much in love with an ex is if youâre able to evaluate the realistically. They do n't want to improve yourself to spite your ex what are you dreaming about specific of! Is that you just want to have those feelings for someone again love him more than!, so i brushed it off with him, he ’ s i said earlier, love shouldn ’ be. I did when we were dating but he had a problem with rejection wisdom. Be difficult to sort out any feelings you ’ re still thinking about ex years.! She contacted me, telling me the last time she felt any real emotion was with me ''...